I just realized that I have spent too much time typing about my fears, worries and frustrations. I have not spent enough time telling the other part of the story. This is in part because it did scare the poop out of me when Alisa went into surgery. It is partly because I really want to be a good dad and it's difficult to know if I am succeeding. It is also just the way I am. I don't jump for joy in public much. I only burst into spontaneous songs around Alisa and Ellie. I tend to mention ways things could be better rather than how good things are. That doesn't mean I don't see the good things. I'm just not very Norman Rockwell. I may have given the wrong impression. That's inexcusable.
So for the record, even though I worry sometimes, I know that I am blessed. I am biased, but I know that both of my girls are beautiful and I am lucky to have them in my life. They are the best. My life is infinitely richer with them in it. A miracle is something that makes you stop and realize the beauty in life. My life is full of miracles.
Just thought you should know.
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It was great seeing you all today - - Ellie is beautiful!! John - you are all very lucky to have each other. Like I said, I think she is just a mover and shaker and likes the rocking motion. If I lived here, I would be more than happy to come over every day and hold and rock her. Not being a mother myself, I am sure all these moms and dads on here are right and things will get easier. Alisa - you are a fantastic mother and I am sure you all will settle into a routine soon.
ha, dont sweat it, we all probably go a bit overboard when we have a new baby, with Allie's silent "gerd" I kept a spreadsheet of every bottle, EXACTLY how many ounces went in (you know ridiculous numbers like 1.8 oz..WTH) every wet diaper, every poop, and made notes of exactly when I gave her the reflux meds (mostly because in the post partum haze I didnt know if I had remembered to eat or even shower!) Anyway trust your instincts!
oops I posted the comment to the wrong post (the above post was supposed to be in response to the comment about feeling better after a regular doc appt for Ellie).... I am having a moment!
Mike was really freaked out with my first section, I was the picture of calm and he was a mess, for the second one though, although still nervous, he was much calmer! Isn't it amazing how having a baby will make you see blessings with such clarity?
Doctors in this area are very induction and c-section happy. They seem to forget that 40 weeks is an average gestation for all births rather than an expiration date. When Alisa is ready, there is a great organization called the International Cesarean Awareness Network. http://www.ican-online.org/ They can help her deal with the emotional healing and support her to go on to have successful vaginal births, if that is what she wishes. I know many women who have had a smiliar experience and went on to birth subsequent children. I even know the leader of the local chapter (she's very conservative, too, if that matters) and many of the women in the group. I'm sure any one of them would be happy to just listen and/or talk if Alisa wanted to.
I actually found our doctors to be less "big medicine" than I expected. That is not to say that they don't have a bias, but they are somewhat more flexible than the books make it seem.
I have no idea how avoidable this C-section might have been under different conditions. At this point in time, it really isn't an issue for me. It certainly wasn't our first choice, but the end result is our beautiful baby girl who is our focus now.
I can't predict what decisions we will make for the next child, but we will have time to make them. We're not going to have another for a while. We like to pretend that our little Oopsie was a happy accident, but she was definitely planned.
That is true - even with the induction we were able to stick to our birth plan a good deal. I did not have to have an iv put in for quite a while. I was able to walk around, labor in the shower, use a birthing ball, have intermittant monitoring, etc. The part where I was monitored was not fun, because I had to stay in bed, but I did want (and they required) the baby to be monitored from time to time. I don't know how things would have turned out if we weren't induced, if the c section would have been needed. I think it was needed for the situation we had. And while the section was not something I wanted going in, I am ok with it. My doctor thinks a vaginal birth is very possible with our next child (some time from now), so that is good.
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